My last glimpse of hope shattered

This explains how i feel right now.

So so so so so so so depressed that i can't take it.

Yet, i do not want to share my sorrows to anyone.

Because even if i say, nobody could understand.

"When was the last time i was truly happy? "

To be honest, i had no idea.

Despite laughing/smiling every single day.

And sometimes i wonder, is that even a genuine laughter/smile?

Where has the true me gone to?

Can i find it back?

Too many questions kept haunting in my mind.

But who knows the answer? 

Go with your mind or your heart?

Hello peeps! (:

Had been neglecting my blog recently due to SCHOOL.

Lol, had so much revisions to do cause i'm so lacked behind.

I had to say that " Poly Life is really no different than O'levels "

The stress is exactly the same man, Argh.

Forcing myself to study when i get back from home is like a must. :/

So thankful that there is a rest day for me this WED.

YAY, HAPPY LABOUR'S DAY IN ADVANCE :D

Oh yea, i was supposed to talk about my LIFE SAVING ORIENTATION right?

Basically, it was really fun & ALL THE SENIORS ARE SO NICE.

And then, i got to learn more about what life saving was about.

Except the fact of knowing how to save life. (smth much more interesting) 

You get to learn how to SURF, Swim in the open sea, do CPR, Beach Sprinting & many more.

I'm really really really interested in it

BUT

HOWEVER

DESPITE

ok whatever.

I've decided not to join in the end. :'(

It's because it requires 6 days of commitment . T.T

AHHHHHHHHHH, i'm so sad la.

It's like i finally found a CCA that i like & the people there are just so awesome.

But i had to give up due to my STUDIES.

Because of my unrealistic dream of GOING TO LOCAL UNI.

So i had to sacrifice my interest and be a nerd.

Or finding other ccas that wouldn't require too much commitment.

I think i really can't find any life in poly if i prioritize my studies so badly.

#thats #how #sad #my #life #is

Previously, i  am always free after 12 on WED & THURS.

Yea but sadly, my THURS is now taken up by GSM module till 4pm.

Damn, my rest day is only left with WED. (pathetic)

So last wed, went to cck library to study with my dear YIJIA :D

Miss her so so so much ^^ 

Ok, it has been a routine for me since young.
I hope that no matter how busy i am, the routine will never stop.
That is ... To visit my grandmother's house every SUNDAY.
Now my grandfather is gone already, leaving my grandma behind.
Sigh, can't imagine how lonely she will be without him.
So yup, i always try my best to keep my SUNDAY free.
If you know me, my Sunday is always reserved for my family, haha.
Recently, my cute cousins started joining me every Sunday!
 Though i have to entertain them with chilidsh games,
they never fails to make my day better, *CHEERS*

My smallest/cutest cousin <3 nbsp="" p="">

Okie tata! 

Give my heart a break

Hello peeps (:

I'm back to blog about my poly life...

Apparently, i'm still not used to poly life T.T

This Monday is actually the start of second week in sch.

And guess what i almost do during the first tutorial.

When the person-in-charge said " Good morning CLASS"

I ALMOST stand up and intends to bow at her.

Which is so so so much like SECONDARY DAYS.

Omg man, i literally #facepalm myself for still living in the past.

So i guess i still need a little more time for me to adjust to the new environment.

A lot of my friends,studying in other polys were always complaining about transport.

Which to me, this problem is NOT a problem. MUAHAHA

Why do i say so.

Cause i get to take the red line train straight from CCK TO YCK.

At least, i don't have to endure the J.E crowd which is definitely worse.

& Normally, i just sleep all my way back if i get to sit.

It's actually not a bad idea if  IF ONLY i wouldn't miss my stop.

Hahah but i always do , almost EVERYTIME.

So i'm gonna heed my friends' advice & use an alarm to wake me up.

LOL, good idea right?

Hahah, going to LIFE SAVING CCA's orientation tomr.

Hope it will be fun & enriching.

Kinda excited for it :)

Happy that i have quite a number of friends who joined this CCA with me.

Yay, don't have to emo nemo already! (Y)

Ok if you know me, this is my first time buying this type/kind of shoes.

Basically, i don't buy branded stuffs .

Definitely not expensive stuffs.

& I always prefer sandals more than covered shoes.

So yup, this time i decided to give it a try!

Actually bought the first pair which looked totally like RED, isn't it?

But it's PINK !!!! Which i totally regretted after buying.

Colour is nice but too hard to match so i find it unrealistic.

Wanted to buy the purple pair but the sad thing is 

Don't have my size, *cries*

So yup, i shall get accustomed to it.

FOREVER no fate with purple stuffs -.-

After much contemplation, i decided to go with this pair!!!

Love it to the max yo, hehe :) 

I hope it's coming to an end

Any idea of who are your true friends?

Ok, I might seems like i have a lot of best friends.

In fact, i actually feel quite lonely at times.

When i am at my lowest point, i had no idea who to count on.

I am 100% serious.

It's not that i don't trust any of my best friends.

But I don't wish to share any of my unhappiness things to anyone.

Is it just me or i learn to keep all the things bottled to myself.

I just have a feeling that

EVEN IF I SAY HOW AWFUL I FELT, no one will really care.

And no one will really understand how i felt.

Some will just casually say " Cheer up then"

Because the reason is You are not me.

That's why i don't find it a point to say anymore.

& It's like when i am sad, only a few of them managed to notice.

Only a few bother to care about you truthfully.

Telling me this " Stay strong, i will be there for you"

Frankly speaking, this line might seems normal or in fact mainstream.

But you have no idea how this line has a great impact.

Especially if i'm feeling sad at that point of time, this line would be a BIG bonus.

So my point is : While you're busy living your own life happily, don't forget your frens.

Just asking casually makes a big difference.

Not implying that i crave this kind of concern 24/7 hours.

But i hope that when i am really feeling down, someone will be there.

At least, i wouldn't feel that i am really all by myself.

Which this image totally says it all.

Your longest friend might not be the one who knows you the best.

Years don't matter, heart matters.

Sometimes, it's just the hearts that click ; linking us together.

(sounds so much like LOVE) rofl.

Just remember that HEART is the most important key for true friendship.

Though i wish i can make lots of friends, i will never forget this.

Only TRUE friendship is priceless.

And lastly, worth to keep...

So VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The irony of the story

Anyeong peeps.

Time for a proper update, shall we?

I swear that POLY LIFE is not as easy as what i thought naively.

When i'm still studying in sec 5, I CAN'T WAIT TO GO POLY.

Can't wait to get out of the stressful mugging zone.

Can't wait for O level to end & enjoy.

However, i was so so so wrong.

I SINCERELY MISS MY SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE.

& Everytime when i think about my classmates, i feel like crying.

I miss them so so so much.:"(

There's a saying which totally describes my feeling :

" 有的时候，不去珍惜，没有了才后悔“

Totally true omg. Too much regrets.

How i wish we can rewind time and start all over again.

Frankly speaking, i don't mind taking O'level again with them.

I'm not kidding so i must be mad.

Ok back to topic.

Previously, i thought POLY would be so fun & exciting.

I will have so much freedom & able to wear the clothes what i want.

Should really kill myself with this foolish thought.

Poly life is really not easy.

Having to sleep only 6 hours everyday, i'm really dead beat.

What bores me the most is those lectures.

Because i always can't catch a single shit of what the lecturer is saying.

Somehow, I kind of love/hate wed & thurs.

Because these 2 days are the days that i have classes at 8am x.x

Which means i needa wake up at 6 plus? holy shit.

However, my classes for both days end at 12pm so it's super early.

Hence, i had a love/hate relationship with these 2 days.

Lol sounds weird but whatever.

Releasing early is great only if you have plans after that.

Or else you will be heading home to rot instead .

How i wish i know more friends in NYP.

At least i wouldn't feel so lonely :/ 

On Thursday, went to CLUB CRAWL with my clique.

FYI- it is something similiar to a CCA roadshow 

Some CCAs that really caught my eyes were :

Swimming, Taekwondo, Track& Field, Squash, Life Saving ...

After much contemplation, i chose the last option.

Because i wanted to try something that i have never tried before.

Which is either Squash or Life Saving.

But as you know, i love SWIMMING so yup life saving wins!

Hahah, hope i really make the right choice this time...

We shall see after my 1st training, hehe.

Whenever i look at this picture, i can't help but to laugh.

There's a story behind this photo , LOL.

But i'm not gonna say it, #secret

Okay done, tata!

Smile after you cry

Hello, this post is supposed to be an overdue post.
Hehe, wanted to blog about these 2 matters long ago.
But yea, didn't have the time to blog about it.
Except tonight.
Shall blog more about my school life tomr instead.

Okay so I visited 

With my dear classmates a month ago.

At first, i thought nobody would be interested to sing karaoke.

Surprisingly, 10 people turned up including me.

Hehe, so we booked the biggest room for 3 hours.

Ended up we just need to pay > $5 per person which was TOTALLY CHEAP.

It was my first time singing karaoke with a big bunch of friends.

So yea, i thought it would be awkward and dangerous.

(Afraid that the windows might break)

But i realised there was no windows in the room -.-!

Hahah, & i ended up singing the loudest , ROFL.

This guy whom i least expected to sing actually SANG the loudest among guys.

Which made me contemplate a little ," is this the person that i know for 9 years?"

Ok, back to story. 

We really sang all types of songs like KPOP, OLD and even HOKKIEN.

Hahah, some of the songs really brings me back a lot of memories.

Overall , it was really damn fun & enjoyable!

Which many of us commented that 3 hours was definitely not ENOUGH for us!

Haha, hope that there will be a second round karaoke session with them ^^

We were so indulged in singing that we even continued singing while waiting for the bus.

Which we could clearly heard each others' real voices after so long.

LOL, too disadvantageous for me already x.x

Okay, done!

Hahah, i feel that there is a need for me to have a sum-up post after every job.
So as you know, i worked at Pitchstop previously for 6 weeks.
It's really an awesome & fascinating experience for me. :')
Actually, i wish i can learn more from this job.
Like cashiering, learning how to brew coffee or even making pizzas.
Instead of just being a waitress, haha.
But since i'm working only for 6 weeks, i have no choice.
#Sighpie.
HOWEVER, i promised that if i can get into NTU after 3 years,
I WILL DEFINITELY RETURN BACK TO WORK. #sincerelyme
Despite all the jobs i have worked before, the customers there are the best!
I mean seriously which i'm obviously complimenting the NTU-IANS!
While working in F&B services, a simple "thank you" is really so much appreciated.
Little did i expect that they are all so polite & nice!
So working at there is totally STRESS-FREE.
Frankly speaking , i'm actually a CLEAN FREAK
Who totally cannot tolerate dirtiness...
Strangely after working at there, i quit being a clean freak.
So is that good or bad? Haha.
Overall, this job is really not bad because it totally changed my impression.
FYI, my first impression of F&B jobs is crap,shit.
However, my impression changed thanks to this job.
I've a little confession to make.
I still think that sales job suits me more, HAHA :/
Okay, i am so bad.
But the people working there are super nice ok, OMG.
Especially my boss who is also a NTU student, he totally ROCKS.
Always sharing good food with me and treating me like a sister instead of an employee.
Hahah so on my last day, i am entitled to a special treat which was

  Machhiato which tasted like Espresso with milk.

GRILLED CHICKEN

Craving satisfied & i am satisfied too (Y)

Lastly, ending my post with pictures taken with my colleagues !

It's a pity that i didn't get a chance to take with my manager & boss ):

Okay, i guess that's all!

Tata ^^ 

First day of school

Hello this is our #ootd for our FIRST day of school!

Hahah ok here i'm introducing my newly formed clique!

I'm really happy that i can get to make friends with different races (:

My wish came true, woohoo~

I can say that my class is really damn big.

We have like more than 20 girls in our class.

& Only 6 boys with us, kind of pathetic LOL.

Thankfully, the boys are quite friendly & nice (:

Okay so i guess everyone is curious about my first day of school.

It's still alright , i suppose. 

I wanna complain that i'm really very suay lor.

I think i catch a cold and now i have a running nose.

Holy shit, sick on the first day, not bad right? 

Idk how to survive like this tomr with my current condition ...

Just hope that tomorrow will be better, *please*

So basically my first day of school turns out not bad?

Survived 9 hours of school today , 9-6 pm! OMG.

I guess without my friends, i could't survive.

I would be bored to death if i'm left alone x.x 

So thanks to my friends, i successfully survived! (: 

Bought all my module notes which costed a bomb.

Worst is i'm paying everything myself so i'm really broke like 

*(&(^$%@@#!@#!&^&$!#@!

Can't wait to buy concession cause the mrt fares is really too much.

But gotta wait for my e-z link card to be done.

Which i think it will take a million years to do, lol.

Had 6 hours of lesson today and i'm totally shag shag shag.

Totally mentally & physically drained.

Blaming myself for not sleeping early ytd :/

The aftermath of sleeping only 7 hours which resulted 

~Being sleepy all day long...

Had no one but to blame myself, argh.

Thankful that tomr's lesson starts at 10 , PHEW.

Love it when they give us breaks after 2 hours of lesson.

Trying my best to focus & pay attention during class.

Kept reminding myself that " I need to do well, i had to do well "

Now i'm feeling a little stressed up already.

x.x

My pathetic timetable esp MONDAY! 

BM 1308 FTW :D 

Fear

Hi there.

My face is so cui now due to lack of sleep.

LOL, had been sleeping lesser and lesser nowadays.

Don't even have the time to look at the mirror for more than 5 mins.

And 2 more days to my first day of school!

Holy shit, time really passed in a blink of an eye.

Frankly speaking, i'm really not excited for school.

I am freaking serious.

Guess what.

My first day is from 9am- 6pm. Kill me please.

Sigh, i need to get my body clock fixed asap.

And i just realised my course has 16 classes in total!

So so so so so many alright, which really made me contemplate even more.

Have i really made the right choice??

Had been asking myself this question for so long.

But till now, i still couldn't find an answer, lol.

It's really hard for a loner like me to adapt into a new environment.

Everything is like just so unfamiliar.

One thing i hate about my course is that next year, we have to change classmates again.

ARGH, not again?!?!!?

About my 2 days orientation @ sch, 

I think it's hmm alright...

Hahah actually wanted to try to act like i'm quiet by nature.

But i guess i just can't stop talking, lol.

Quite a number of my classmates are sec 5s too :O

Everyone seems to have a lot of friends from other courses.

Except me , *sigh*

I guess i only know like 3 friends in my batch ? LOL pathetic much.

Feel like joining CCAs but i had no idea which to choose.

Swimming?Track & Field? Taekwondo?

Hahah okay i think that's all.

Running out of topics to say already.

Shall blog when i'm free once again.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I can do it!

Hello guys.

In a week's time, i'm going to turn into a total nerd.

Or maybe a loner too, lol.

Whatever the case is, my aim is to get into NTU 3 years later.

Though it's really tough & rare,

WHEN THERE'S A WILL, THERE IS A WAY (: 

Oh yea, went to my poly today to get my admission card alone.

Actually i'm used to being alone but not this time round.

When i first enter it, it gives me a very distant feel.

which i guess it's because it's my first time going there.

And everyone is like going in pairs/ groups except me.

Hahah, i'm a sucker for being lonesome #emonemo

Also, getting to wear whatever you like may not be a good thing.

First -  you will start fretting about what to wear everyday

Second - people do judge the clothes you wear .

Third- you will feel inferior 

This is what i discovered today.

& I shall called it the ugly truth.

Maybe wearing uniforms will be so much better.

At least you wouldn't need to worry of getting judged by others.

Why do i say so?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Earlier on, i encountered 2 pretty girls queuing in front of me.

They are really pretty & their dress sense are WOW.

Frankly speaking, i really feel inferior after seeing them.

But i know, i shouldn't compare

Then they started giggling while looking at the girl opposite them.

Which i realised they are actually  making fun of that girl.

(Just because of what she wore )

Which i'm actually quite affected about it even though it's not me.

Like seriously, 

" I know that your dress sense is damn good la but you don't need to laugh at others, isn't it? "

That's why i mentioned earlier, you will get judged no matter what.

Ahhhhhhhh , now i'm really dreading poly to start.

I'm scared that i couldn't adapt to the new environment.

I'm afraid that people couldn't accept the true me.

I'm reluctant to step out of my comfort zone.

But i know i had to.

I must because i don't have a choice.

Ok i shall self-encourage myself that i can do it!

When there's a will, THERE'S A WAY !!! 

This wed will be my first day of orientation.

Hope that everything will be fine & able to find trustable friends.

Hopefully... 

True feelings

Hi.

Today is going to be an exclusive post

about

Streets beggars...

Alright, you might be thinking about why am i so random today.

Basically, what's your first impression of street beggars?

Afraid? Empathetic ? Disgusted? 

If you sympathised them then i guess you're on the right track.

However if you aren't , i'm speechless LOL

Okay yes, they earn a living by begging people for money.

And if you sympathised them, you will donate , isn't it?

Which "SYMPATHY" is the main key ...

#i shall call them SB instead~ 

so hear me out while i relate some incidents to you.

There are 2 kinds of SB in this world.

• Lazy people who tried to act pathetic just to earn others' sympathy (SB 1) 
• People who are really in need of $$$ in term of other circumstances (SB 2) 

Which it's pretty clear that only SB (2) is worth donating.

Let me introduce you some of the SB (1) whom i have seen. 

Today, i came across a lady who is around her mid 50s with her 20 year old son who is wheel-bound.

Her son behaved like a little erratic/abnormal ... 

& Guess what i saw.

The son was playing with his IPAD secretly .

IT'S A FREAKING IPAD , not just ordinary phones or whatever.

So if you're abnormal, can you play the ipad? 

Previously, i met a lady who is blind .

And i saw her using an IPHONE secretly.

I didn't know a blind woman can use a touch screen phone.

Ok even if she can, affording an IPHONE does not tally her current situation, isn't it? 

What the shit is this, really.

I really feel so awfully cheated .

It's not the money that i felt indignant for.

But my trust.

Seen too many con artists & i just felt so sick and tired.

Look, i'm not trying to judge or whatever.

But if you are in my position, wouldn't you lose faith too?

It's like (at first) you felt so happy of doing a good deed.

And you discovered the ugly truth.

Which you just felt so argh damn, i should have donate to another one who might need it more.

But again , that damn feeling hits you back.

what if that another one is like the previous one ?

So it's like a vicious cycle which you can't predict.

& you had no idea who is actually real or fake.

I really felt so indignant for SB (2) because so many frauds are ruining their livelihood.

I might be exaggerating somehow .

But think again, many people stopped donating because of getting cheated.

which there's nothing you can do .

Sigh, ):

& I will take this chance to relate my "My biggest regret"

Which is related to street beggars.

A lot of people told me that if you go overseas, 

DON'T DONATE/GIVE YOUR $$$ to the SB .

Because if you give one, many of them will come to you.

Which is quite true cause i encountered it once before.

In 2011, i went to China for a cross-cultural exchange with SLC members.

And i saw a SB girl who is around my age.

Oh My God,

She was naked which she used cardboard to act as her "clothes"

I was really shocked and traumatised when i saw her.

There, it was freezing cold and i was wearing like 3 layers of clothes

with my thick winter jacket+ gloves +winter hat. 

& I'm still shivering

But she's not wearing anything and she was out there in the streets begging people for money.

 

Whoever that makes her to do this seriously

PLEASE GO TO HELL.

And I DIDN'T DONATE .

(My teachers don't allow & i'm such a coward)

But i can at least do something for her , isn't it?

I can at least give her my jacket or whatever that can keep her warm.

At that point of time, i was too stunned to think about all this.

So i didn't. 

And i just left like this. Leaving her in the lurch when she was so vulnerable.

Frankly speaking, till now, i still couldn't forget that image.

I can't forgive myself for being so heartless.

I should have done something to help her, I SHOULD HAVE.

But i didn't.

Which that's why this is my biggest regret. 

If time could be rewind, i really wish i can go back to her.

Give her whatever i have/can and say "I'm sorry" .

Hello, i'm here for a proper update.
Ok so basically my life is really such a bore.
However, my friends managed to add some colours to my life.
HAHA, met up with some of my best frens for some catch-up session!!!
Which we will spend hours & hours talking+updating without doing anything.
LOL, that's how our meet-ups normally go...

 Met up with Jacinda on one of the days in March.

Hehe, went to J.P to eat my favourite ANDERSEN ICE-CREAM.

At the thought of it, i'm really craving it like NOW. 

Don't talk to me, HAHA. #epicface 

I'm loving it, omgggg~~~ 

 One of the most significant meet-ups with the 2 babes.
Introducing my Tree: Vanna Kuah & my Fatty : Tang Jia Wen.
Hahah, so we went to Tree's house for a one night stand.
JKJK, it should be a stayover trisome date.
When we reached there around evening, dinner was ready!
& I had to compliment that my tree's cooking is really DABAK!
So we had a sumptuous and wonderful dinner (:
Followed by watching a movie using FUNSHION, haha lupsup.
Kept changing movies to watch which i don't understand why.
Next, DESSERT TIME , #ohmy this is the best.
Nothing is better than having a chocolate fondue with fruits & ice-cream together!
Not forgetting my breezer yo, haha.
At that point of time, i really hope time could stop.
Or maybe we can do this everyday without getting sick, LOL.
& then we had a long long long H2H talk till 3am .
woohooo , omgg life is good ya!!!

Spamming of Polaroids!

Retarded us 

TADA! 

Next, met up with this busy girl like finally in March.
It's been ages since we last met.
Hope she is doing fine in JC :)

Heheh, mm came into the picture! ^^ 

Lastly, finally get to meet up with L.Yihan!

Now she is so dark like me, HOHO.

And her hair is shorter than me now :O

& Definitely, she's enjoying her poly days, hehe 

Okay bye guys!!