Saturday, October 29, 2016

A goal without a plan is just a wish...

Major #tb to the days when I had bangs & red hair hah

Well, hi i'm back in action HAHAAH. My apologies, for taking such a long hiatus as evident that my blog is dead since 1 year ago lol. It's crazy because whenever I think back, I used to blog about every single thing in my life, be it anger, sadness, happiness and excitement. I used to be so crazy over blogging that I would blog almost daily (in 2008) haha but as the year passed, I started to take it for granted. Honestly, one of my reasons for blogging is also to keep track of my life because MEMORIES are G.O.L.D man, trust me. You prolly wouldn't feel anything RIGHT now, obviously, as you get older, you would start to think back about the past. As for me, THIS is the best source for me to look back how many stupid things I've blogged over the past 8 years (ever since 2008). Well, who knows that maybe my future children would be stalking me through this blog? CHEH just kidding. 

So the main reason why I'm finally back is to announce 2 things:

*Serious Mode ON*
  1. Currently, I'm studying at SIT (Accountancy)

Disclaimer: I swear that I have never ever considered being an ACCOUNTANT in my entire life. No fucking way, no offence. And people have been asking me then wtf why are you in this course? Blame it on my stubbornness, stupidity and silliness. The honest truth is that SIT is the only local university that has accepted me and okay I TRIED, I really tried my best to convince myself that i should go for it? WHY? For the same reason like what everyone believes in;  to learn a skill and cheers to a better future. Well, after I joined SIT, I finally realised how stupid this thought was. Not trying to act like the smartest person on earth but honestly, you should really study what you love or at the very least what you are MOST interested with. Don't be like the gullible me, who thinks that i might not like the course now but yea maybe i would grow to like it. Seriously, there is no such thing that YOU MIGHT GROW TO LIKE IT (someday). I can only think of ONE word to describe and that is BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is exactly like LOVE, if right from the start, you have no feelings to begin with, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO START LIKING SOMEHOW? Maybe for some people, it works. But definitely, not for my case. All i know is this journey is going to be REAL TOUGH and prolly the toughest shit in my entire life especially when you have 0 passion. Every single day, I am filled with so many conflicting thoughts that i can ever imagine. From thinking of giving everything up >quiting school VS convincing myself that I shouldn't and hang in there because I have to. All my SIT friends couldn't believe that I can still work and study at the same time despite the amount of stress to be dealt with daily.
Which brings me forward to the next point ...

FYI- you can click the X button on the right, don't say i didn't warn ya :D 

     2. I'm an official FINANCIAL CONSULTANT 

This is by far the most AMAZING yet challenging achievement unlocked throughout my entire life. Well, I couldn't deny further that this is one of my proudest moments too especially for someone like me who has nothing good to be proud of. Honestly, some people whom shall not be NAMED (haha) gave me some negative feedback on this. That's expected, in fact it's actually normal. Many people have this misconception that Insurance is just money bloodsucker and we, being the financial consultants, are the culprits for making it to work. I can't deny that I actually shared the same thought before I joined this line. Well, you would never know how important things are, not until the day when you realised you need it but you don't have it. And that's how i would describe Insurance. All these years, your parents have been paying the insurance premiums all along and thank god nothing happened to you, so you feel that Insurance is a waste of money and you cancelled it. Well, *touch wood* but one day if something actually happens to you; your hospital bill starts piling up to more than you could ever imagine. That's when you realised that *shit just got real*, and reality hits you that you have to pay everything on your OWN (meaning to sacrifice your hard-earned SAVINGS) for something that is not within your control. Now, touch your heart and ask yourself whether it's worth it to use up your entire savings for it? 

It's just the same mythology of saving up for rainy days. Nobody said that it was going to rain everyday but why do people still bother to bring umbrellas out despite the fine weather? Simply because the reason is that you can never predict the weather, just like your future. The weather might be sunny at this period of time but a strange turn of events might change the weather to be otherwise.

Honestly, I really find that being a financial consultant is very meaningful as you get to help people, not because you need but you WANT to. And that's my passion because I want to help as many people as I can. Not trying to play the sympathy card here but for those people who know exactly who I am, they know that I would do this right. And I want to take this opportunity to thank all my family and friends who are very very very SUPPORTIVE of me for this, I'm really thankful. Without you guys, I wouldn't have the courage to do this, thanks for having so much trust in me. I will do you proud (: 

Till next time,

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The big 2

Hi guys..

I'm finally back after such a long hiatus. 
The reason being is that poly year 3 is really not easy.

When you thought that O'level is hard enough, trust me
POLY LIFE IS X1000000000000 TIMES harder. No joke

For the past 6 months, i felt like shit.
You don't even have enough time to rest.
And basically, you don't even have a proper life.
Trust me, i felt like giving up every second and tell myself - JUST FUCK THIS SHIT
But i can't, i have no choice.
Since I've already worked so hard for the past 2 years; how can i just give up?!
Honestly, i don't wanna regret just because of a moment of folly.
I'm gonna TRY EVERYTHING I COULD to pull up my grades.
People might say that i'm trying too hard, way too hard.. 
But seriously, what's wrong in trying?!
At least i'm not a sore loser who gives up in the midst of fighting?

To be honest, I hate my poly life.
I fucking hate it.
Right from the start, when i first entered NYP; i regretted it to the core.
Everything seems like a lie and i'm always out of luck.
Be it - Friends, Grades, CCA and even TEP. 
It just saddens me that it's just so hard to find true friends in poly.
Don't you think so?
I've plenty of friends but most of them are hi-bye friends.
Or should i call them acquaintance instead?
Whatever the case, you know that you won't see them anymore after poly.
And that's how life is.
Some people are here for a reason, period of time or maybe a lifetime.

Yea, some people would say that I've no rights to complain cuz my GPA is good enough.
But i beg to differ.
My current GPA is not even good enough to enter into local university.
And that's the worst because i worked so fucking hard.
If my end result is SIM then ALL MY EFFORTS WILL GO TO WASTE.
You don't get it.
I'd rather give in ALL or Nothing.

Now i'm left with my LAST SEM in the final year.
And i really want to do well. So badly. 
Because that's the only hope i could cling on. 
I've always thought that its easy to score A for intern & tep.
And now i totally regret that brainless thought.
It's even harder to score than normal academic semesters
But i'm not going to give up.
I believe that if you really give in your all, hard work will pay off :') 

I'm sorry guys.
My blog post is so mundane that seriously even I cannot take it.
Enough of ranting..
Let's talk about happy things!!!

I'M FINALLY 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohh wait, that's not really a good news because i just hit the BIG 2 ):
Hahah but anyways, i'm happy that all of my close friends wished me.
Really appreciated that as some even wished me on the dot :')


My squash clique + 1  

My BFF for life 


With my Tall Jia Yun ^^ 

My lovely hamster hehe 

My longest BFF :D 

My cutie Ji Wun ^-^ 

Thankful to be part of Lai's family, thank you PAPA, MAMA (I will do you proud too) 

                                                I love you bb, Forever & Always,

Sunday, March 29, 2015

2016 PLAN

Late night thoughts again...

I'm just so glad that i didn't delete my blog despite leaving it to rot for so long.
Because it is a perfect platform for me to write out my true feelings & trace my thoughts.

After contemplating for ages, I've finally decided what i want.
I know it's still early to make plans for the future.
But i really can't wait to pen down the thoughts I've in mind right now.
For these past 2 years, I've been giving my best in everything i do.
Be it driving or studying.
Trust me, I've never been so serious in my entire life.

And today,
I asked myself this question 
"Why am i slogging so hard for?"
Initially, my aim was "I want to enter local university and attain a degree at least"
Because it's clearly the fact that:
In Singapore, you cannot go anywhere without a degree.
And i regret to mention that I was not born from a wealthy family as well.
That's why i was so scared that if i didn't enter university, my future will be bleak.

The most common question asked by many was :
"What do you want to do in the future?"
In my business school, most of them replied " I want to be an entrepreneur"
It's rather admiring of course but sadly, I've no interest.
My answer would be rather straightforward- I want to be a property agent in the future.
Which led to my next point :
Why do you need a degree when you're going for the sales industry?
Isn't it good enough if you are a silver tongued speaker?
At first, i thought that being outspoken and talkative would be able to make it.
But nope, you have to be eloquent enough in order to convince your customers.
If you speak like a kid aimlessly, you can never clinch the deal.

So for the sake of my future,
I've thought of 3 things that i wanted to do.

Idk how many times I've mentioned this on my blog, my English is still unacceptable.
So i want to change the way i speak, of course to a more profound way
Starting from now.
I don't want to waste time regretting why i did not fix my English when i have the chance to.
Lai chien qin, there's no time for contemplation.
It's either you do it now or just forget about it and continue to be a country bumpkin.

2. Make it to local university
Yes, I've mentioned this before too.
To be honest, my current GPA is only 3.47
Well, this GPA is even worse than my first sem which was 3.5
No matter how hard i tried, i just can't seem to increase my GPA
How am i gonna make it to local uni when my current GPA is only like this?
And i'm only left with the last sem to pull up my grades 
Do you honestly think it's possible?

So I've thought about it.
Yes, i'm referring to my future.
It's time to face the reality and be prepared for the worst.
If i couldn't make it to local university, I'm not gonna choose SIM straightaway.
Sorry, I've never had a good impression of SIM honestly.

3. Apply for SIA- to become an air stewardess.
I know this aspiration is a bit far fetched and people might even think i'm joking or whatever.
But i'm serious.
Since I'm not born to be good at anything, this is a good opportunity to try something new.
I really wanted to try ...
Despite all the rumors and difficulties I've heard, I'm still going to try. (no matter what)
But if i fail, i'm gonna apply for SIM or i would join the work society.

Nothing brings you down if you become your own inspiration.
So that's the aim i'm going for. 

So, that concludes my 2016 PLAN which will only commences after my graduation.
Which i'm left with exactly 1 more year before I've to make a tough decision.
Till then, bye

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

All OR Nothing

It's been 3 months since i left my blog dead
And FYI; it's my longest period..
Idk why but the reason why is because I've lost the motivation of blogging.
Since nobody bothers to read it anyways.
Hahah but i still blog for the sake of memories.
I want to blog about my current life so that,
in the near future, (when i'm bored) ; i will look through and thought "Oh i did this when i was 16"
Hah, it's kind lame but it would be meaningful as the time goes.
Because you will never be able to keep track of time.
You can wait for the time to pass but Time don't stop just because you want it to.
So in short, the world don't revolve around You .
Life goes on no matter what...

When you were young, you genuinely wished to be older .
But when you were older, you wanted to be young so badly.
Sadly; life is full of irony and you have to live with it.
I just couldn't believe that I'll be turning 20 this year.
And i thought to myself " What have I accomplished over the past 20 years?"
People would be like, oh that's easy .
[I've achieved 1st place for academic results when I was p5]
And as for me?

Yes, nothing (for now)
So i made a pact to myself when i was 16.
I told myself that i will earn my first $10k before i reach 21; all by myself.
That explains totally why i am working like a sloth not because i want to;
Note: There's a difference of want / must
As my family's tradition is all about being independent; can you choose not to work?
Hah, come to think of it- I've been taking 2 jobs ever since i entered poly.
And maybe, I'm turning to a workaholic whom i never knew i would become.

I've received my academic results.
And i got a shock of my life due to NYP's personal message.
Little did i know, NYP eventually sent a text to my phone to inform my grades.
Well, i didn't expect them to lend a helping hand when i don't need it LOL
Seriously, I almost died of a broken heart when i saw a C in my grade.
Well apparently, the module was not graded so i don't understand why NYP has to include in it-.-
Honestly, i had high hopes for this sem's results.
And yup, it wasn't the best i foresee but at least, there's an improvement.
Just in short, i'm still disappointed...
Blame it on my overconfidence or complacency, yea the feeling sucks.
Like the feeling that you thought you can ACE it and boom, HAH YOU CAN'T GET IT.
So i tell myself as a reminder,
I will do even better for my last sem.
For the sake of myself
For the sake of my future
I will work extra harder this time.
Say goodbye to my complacency, laziness
I'm giving out ALL or nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry i need this self- encouragement to salvage my broken heart.
Don't mind me,
Till then :)

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Happy tears

This was my actual 3am thoughts few days ago.

How can i have the mood for any celebration?
I really hate how stupid I am.
Since young, i was never good at anything.
I've neither talents nor good brains and basically I've nothing to be proud of.
As much as i hated myself for being so useless, i still have that small glimpse of hope.
Maybe, one day i can find something that i'm good at.
Because i disbelieve that "Nobody is good at nothing"
It's just a matter of time of when you will find it.

Have you ever felt this way before?
Of giving your utmost best but not receiving the result you desired?
I swear that is the most heartbreaking feeling on earth.
Reproaching yourself "what went wrong?" but you can't seem to understand why.
After you experienced once before, you will be like :
"Hell yeah, i'm gonna fuck this"
At the end, you still decided to try it again.
And you failed again.
But you just wanna try again even knowing the consequence;
that taking it will make your life more difficult.
Each time you fall, you tell yourself that "You will stand up and become more stronger"
Yea right, easier said than done.
Albert Einstein tried a hundredth times but he didn't give up.
But i'm not him, i'm a loser who can't afford to take failures so many times.
I wish i can just give up everything and say "I QUIT"
Because i know obviously that would make my life way easier.
I had enough of fretting over this stupid driving test when i don't even have a car to drive.
What's the point of taking it?
What's the point of spending so much on it ?
And i don't even understand what's the point of ranting all these shit.
Then again, i thought of my dad.
The one who wishes so badly for me to get a driving license.
The one who treats my driving license as though it's a glory.
The one who don't mind spending his hard-earned money like free flow
Simply just because he wanted me to learn this fucked up complicated driving.
I really wanted to give up so badly but i don't have the heart to crash my dad's hopes.

Life is just full of crap.
It's either you break your heart or his.

And trust me, the more times you take it ;
Yea you might be feeling more confident (at first)
But reality hits you real hard when you realised how much you spent.
Regardless of how unwilling you wanna spend, you still have to.

All of my driving instructors told me the same thing :
"You have the skills, all you need is Confidence"
Hell yea, I've everything except Confidence.
Especially when it comes to driving because EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP.
It's like they expect you to figure out how experienced drivers think.
And some assholes drivers think that they are so fucking great- find signalling as a chore.
Which like wts, how you expect us to know where they are going when they don't signal?
When i think i'm right, i ended up being wrong.
When i think i'm wrong, my decision turned out to be right
Like seriously... How do you expect me to believe in myself?

Sorry for taking such a long time just to rant about driving.
I promise it's my last hahah 
Because i really couldn't take it .
Taking driving really mind-fucked me so so so badly...
There're so many times when i will just break down all of a sudden.
I swear the stress is really 3 times more than taking your O's
Excluding the fact that i'm an ultimate slow-learner with motion sickness syndrome
This is the first time I've ever been so serious in my whole entire life


I FUCKING DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really couldn't believe it :')
I'm so over the moon that i feel like i could die without regrets.
My first try was 32 points.
Second try was 46 points


Nevertheless, i wanna thank my devoted instructor(s) who never gave up on me.
And my most patient instructor who kept telling me “不要心急,慢慢来"
Without them, i bet i really couldn't survive throughout this ordeal.
I also believe that driving test also requires a bit of luck.
So so so thankful that the tester i got is GOD DAMN FRIENDLY.
Because i finally achieved something that i can really be proud of ^^ 
Life is good ~

Friday, December 12, 2014


Hello readers.
I'm here to save my half dead/dead blog hahaha.
Well as you can see, i'm blogging less and less often.
And i can only think of one reason.
Can you believe that half of the school term is coming to an end?!?!!
When it felt like school just started only the day before.
Now i fully understand why the older you get, the lesser time you have.
Still rmb how i used to yearn for the arrival of holidays when i was in year 1.
But now...
 In a blink of an eye; Holidays is just round the corner.
And guess what? There's no time for you to enjoy
Because in one month's time, I've to start preparing for final exams.
But THANK GOD that my exams falls before new year's.
If not, i really dk how i'm gonna survive this dreadful ordeal..
Of bringing your books along while going house visiting ? 

As the saying goes,
"The higher you climb, the harder you fall"
Honestly, i'm really afraid.
I really don't want to fall.
Cause i know the moment i fall, there's no turning back.
I can't get back to the same as before...
Tell me what i should do.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

4am thoughts

I hate it when i know things have changed but i can't do anything about it. Well, the only thing i can do is to suck it up. Or a better phrase would be: Embrace the change. I've learnt to accept that losing people is part and parcel of life. Enough of the unwillingness. Enough of the sulkiness. Enough of the unhappiness. You can't have the best of both worlds. Sometimes, giving up for one might be the only choice. 

"All people come into our lives for a reason. It may be for seconds, months, years or a lifetime. Each of these has a specific task to complete within our lives. Once their task is complete, they will leave our lives, whether we will it or no. Sometimes the leaving is through the grave, sometimes with a wave and sometimes with nary a whisper.” -SS Lengel

It's the same theory- Holding onto something that don't belong to yours, it's just a matter of time that it will leave you eventually.. What's meant to be yours, will be yours. Sometimes, you just have to learn to let go of things that don't belong to you.  This is life. No matter how unwilling you are, no matter how upset you would be, you still have to let go.

Honestly, i really wished I've lesser commitments.
I'm always so busy that i don't even have the time to catch my breath.
Seems like 24h in a day is absolutely not enough for me.
I'm barely grasping for air. No kidding.
I've so so so much things to cope with and I'm lost.
I don't know how to set my priorities right.
It feels like every decision you make might affect the other party.
I hate this suffocated feeling.
How i wish i can do whatever i want without considering others' feelings.
Yes i know it's selfish to do that.
But i'm tired.
Real tired...