This was my actual 3am thoughts few days ago.
How can i have the mood for any celebration?
I really hate how stupid I am.
Since young, i was never good at anything.
I've neither talents nor good brains and basically I've nothing to be proud of.
As much as i hated myself for being so useless, i still have that small glimpse of hope.
Maybe, one day i can find something that i'm good at.
Because i disbelieve that "Nobody is good at nothing"
It's just a matter of time of when you will find it.
Have you ever felt this way before?
Of giving your utmost best but not receiving the result you desired?
I swear that is the most heartbreaking feeling on earth.
Reproaching yourself "what went wrong?" but you can't seem to understand why.
After you experienced once before, you will be like :
"Hell yeah, i'm gonna fuck this"
At the end, you still decided to try it again.
And you failed again.
But you just wanna try again even knowing the consequence;
that taking it will make your life more difficult.
Each time you fall, you tell yourself that "You will stand up and become more stronger"
Yea right, easier said than done.
Albert Einstein tried a hundredth times but he didn't give up.
But i'm not him, i'm a loser who can't afford to take failures so many times.
I wish i can just give up everything and say "I QUIT"
Because i know obviously that would make my life way easier.
I had enough of fretting over this stupid driving test when i don't even have a car to drive.
What's the point of taking it?
What's the point of spending so much on it ?
And i don't even understand what's the point of ranting all these shit.
Then again, i thought of my dad.
The one who wishes so badly for me to get a driving license.
The one who treats my driving license as though it's a glory.
The one who don't mind spending his hard-earned money like free flow
Simply just because he wanted me to learn this fucked up complicated driving.
I really wanted to give up so badly but i don't have the heart to crash my dad's hopes.
Life is just full of crap.
It's either you break your heart or his.
And trust me, the more times you take it ;
THE MORE STRESSED YOU WILL BE.
Yea you might be feeling more confident (at first)
But reality hits you real hard when you realised how much you spent.
Regardless of how unwilling you wanna spend, you still have to.
All of my driving instructors told me the same thing :
"You have the skills, all you need is Confidence"
Hell yea, I've everything except Confidence.
Especially when it comes to driving because EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP.
It's like they expect you to figure out how experienced drivers think.
And some assholes drivers think that they are so fucking great- find signalling as a chore.
Which like wts, how you expect us to know where they are going when they don't signal?
When i think i'm right, i ended up being wrong.
When i think i'm wrong, my decision turned out to be right
Like seriously... How do you expect me to believe in myself?
Sorry for taking such a long time just to rant about driving.
I promise it's my last hahah
Because i really couldn't take it .
Taking driving really mind-fucked me so so so badly...
There're so many times when i will just break down all of a sudden.
I swear the stress is really 3 times more than taking your O's
Excluding the fact that i'm an ultimate slow-learner with motion sickness syndrome
This is the first time I've ever been so serious in my whole entire life
I FUCKING DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really couldn't believe it :')
I didn't know MIRACLE ACTUALLY DO HAPPENS.
I'm so over the moon that i feel like i could die without regrets.
My first try was 32 points.
Second try was 46 points
MY 3RD TRY :D
Nevertheless, i wanna thank my devoted instructor(s) who never gave up on me.
And my most patient instructor who kept telling me “不要心急，慢慢来"
Without them, i bet i really couldn't survive throughout this ordeal.
I also believe that driving test also requires a bit of luck.
So so so thankful that the tester i got is GOD DAMN FRIENDLY.
MY HAPPIEST DAY IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!
Because i finally achieved something that i can really be proud of ^^
Friday, December 12, 2014
I'm here to save my half dead/dead blog hahaha.
Well as you can see, i'm blogging less and less often.
And i can only think of one reason.
Can you believe that half of the school term is coming to an end?!?!!
When it felt like school just started only the day before.
Now i fully understand why the older you get, the lesser time you have.
Still rmb how i used to yearn for the arrival of holidays when i was in year 1.
In a blink of an eye; Holidays is just round the corner.
And guess what? There's no time for you to enjoy
EVEN IF it's HOLIDAYS -.-
Because in one month's time, I've to start preparing for final exams.
But THANK GOD that my exams falls before new year's.
If not, i really dk how i'm gonna survive this dreadful ordeal..
Of bringing your books along while going house visiting ?
OMG THAT'S PATHETIC MAN..
As the saying goes,
"The higher you climb, the harder you fall"
Honestly, i'm really afraid.
I really don't want to fall.
Cause i know the moment i fall, there's no turning back.
I can't get back to the same as before...
Tell me what i should do.
Posted by Sierra.L at 11:09 AM
Sunday, November 23, 2014
I hate it when i know things have changed but i can't do anything about it. Well, the only thing i can do is to suck it up. Or a better phrase would be: Embrace the change. I've learnt to accept that losing people is part and parcel of life. Enough of the unwillingness. Enough of the sulkiness. Enough of the unhappiness. You can't have the best of both worlds. Sometimes, giving up for one might be the only choice.
"All people come into our lives for a reason. It may be for seconds, months, years or a lifetime. Each of these has a specific task to complete within our lives. Once their task is complete, they will leave our lives, whether we will it or no. Sometimes the leaving is through the grave, sometimes with a wave and sometimes with nary a whisper.” -SS Lengel
It's the same theory- Holding onto something that don't belong to yours, it's just a matter of time that it will leave you eventually.. What's meant to be yours, will be yours. Sometimes, you just have to learn to let go of things that don't belong to you. This is life. No matter how unwilling you are, no matter how upset you would be, you still have to let go.
Honestly, i really wished I've lesser commitments.
I'm always so busy that i don't even have the time to catch my breath.
Seems like 24h in a day is absolutely not enough for me.
I'm barely grasping for air. No kidding.
I've so so so much things to cope with and I'm lost.
I don't know how to set my priorities right.
It feels like every decision you make might affect the other party.
I hate this suffocated feeling.
How i wish i can do whatever i want without considering others' feelings.
Yes i know it's selfish to do that.
But i'm tired.
Posted by Sierra.L at 4:09 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Hello, i'm back to blog about my 4th post.
And I know I took AGES to come up with this post, OPS my bad.
But good things come to those who wait, right? HAHA
As I've said before, this will be a special one.
Needless to say, you should know who's the protagonist today (:
Well, after my last breakup; I've completely given up on this game called Love
I've never thought that i would find someone again.
And finding you, makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person on earth.
I guess people whom hadn't experience this before might laugh at me.
I don't blame you cause i laughed once before.
At first, my best friend met one guy and she was telling me;
how well they hit it off
how much they think alike
how perfect they are for each other
(when they only got closer for less than 1 month)
Honestly, i scoffed right after i heard about it.
At that point of time, i couldn't believe what i heard.
Thinking to myself, everything was just BULLSHITS!
Well, not until the same scenario actually happened to me too.
Then i realised the least unexpected thing always happens when you disbelieve it.
Starting from how we met is amusing enough.
Honestly, i can't believe i'm typing this out.
It feels like i'm writing a love story instead.
I knew his presence a year ago from a mutual friend and
Yea of course, i find him not bad-looking and that's it..
The funny thing is he actually knew about my presence too.
Then something real ridiculous happened.
I brainlessly thought that he was a smoker and even told some of my classmates.
Yea idk wtf i'm thinking to be spreading this to the whole world -.-
Little did i knew, i actually misunderstood him. Oh crap, i'm dead...
But what's done cannot be undone.
Since we are strangers, the shameless me tried to act like nothing happened.
Is heaven playing a joke on me?
We happened to be in the same class for 1 module, OH MY GOD.
Honestly, i never saw this coming and trust me;
if I've a weak heart, i might probably die of heart attack.
Yes, tell me how am i going to face someone whom I've framed?
Badmouthing someone is bad, badmouthing smth that wasn't true is worse;
And smearing someone's reputation is beyond incorrigible.
The main feeling that overtook me was Guilt.
I knew clearly that i owe him an apology because i know sooner or later, he will find out.
I mean, you couldn't hide secrets forever.
And obviously, he would be thinking " Why this mad stranger is spreading bad stuff about me?"
The coward me thought of many ways to tell him but failed anyway.
Days have passed,
Weeks have passed,
Months have passed,I'm still unable to muster up my courage.
Not until one day, we talked for the first time during a lunch meeting.
So i took this perfect opportunity to come clean what i did.
Frankly speaking, if a random stranger/new fren runs up to you and tells you that
"I actually told people that you are a smoker because i thought you were"
My reaction would be this :
Well, he is kind enough not to give the reaction that i might have given.
In fact, he accepted my apology in half confusion which was understandable. HAHAH.
During the meal, we chatted as per normal and thought to myself :
"Well, he is quite a good chap"
-End of story-
No la just kidding.. ( 2 months later...)
In class, he approached me and we talked continuously for almost an hour.
This is crazy cause we just talked about anything and everything.
And what, at that point of time; we barely knew each other?
Even up till now, i still find everything amazingly unbelievable.
So what's the main reason why i think he's the right one?
It might sound cliche but i swear he's the first whom i can connect my heart with...
And what lies beneath is the astonishing telepathy between us.
This is something that not all the couples could achieve that but we can.
I like how the way;
we give each other death stares; wanting the other to give in,
we can read each other's mind like an open book
we argue but laugh at the same time (so is that considered a quarrel?)
we can talk about everything without hiding secrets,
our impromptu h2h talks that always happened in the middle of the night,
having that connection that no one could have,
And i'm real lucky to have you in my life.
Even if it's just a short period, it doesn't matter.
Cause all i want is you to be happy and i will too :')
Thanks for loving me the same despite my imperfections.
I still can't believe that i only know you for 3 months.
It really seems like I've known you WAY much longer.
Regardless of how much i wrote, it's never enough to express how i truly feel about you.
But one thing i'm certain is that - I can never find someone like you.
YOU, ME and US
that we could beat the odds :)
(Even the Ocean, cheh kidding)
PS: Please don't die of diabetes after reading this whole chunk of LOVE-OBSESSED post hahaha.
Posted by Sierra.L at 10:22 PM
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Well finally, my TIMETABLE is out (OH YEA baby)
Had been waiting for it since ages and i guess everything is worth the wait!
Simply love this sem's timetable, way too awesome :')
If you dk how fortunate i'm, i shall take this time to (yknow) show off a bit.
YAY to no school on Friday, THAT'S WHY IT'S #TGIF
So it's considered having 3 days of holiday every weekend
My life can't be any perfect than this :')
Shall take this ideal opportunity to work on Friday and earn some $$$.
Finally, I've received 2 pay cheques today which doubled my happiness ^^
Though both add up to less than $300, well at least i'm finally getting some pay.
For this holiday, i just hope that i could retain my savings. (instead of depleting)
Nothing more to ask for, honestly. *finger cross*
Although i kept thinking that i didn't work much for this holiday, I realised I've taken up
It's a MAJOR wow cause it's my highest record.
Hahaha thinking of just committing to 1 when school starts.
As promised, my #3 post is about JURONG BIRD PARK.
A post celebration with my longest best friend; LIM YI HAN ^^
If not, you would certainly end up like us.
Taking photos of ourselves more than the birds, HAHAH what a joke.
If you don't believe me, you can look through all my photos.
It's like only 3/4 of the photos we took are simply US :D
And ohh, please please remember to take their given map.
Because obviously there's no tour guide and don't forget,
the people there are as lost as you! LOL
Some photos taken during the bird show!
A random selfie, pardon my cui eyes.
Yihan's darlings, HAHAAH
Spot some similarities? ;)
Don't you think they look like fake statues?
My favourite penguins :D
Hahaha my constipated look.
Before i end off, I guess i owe you a basic update?
Well, just a short update since i'm gonna hit the sack soon anyways.
Recently, i'm GOD DAMN BUSY .
Had been working like a maniac for the past 2 weeks and this job is really tough.
Having to stand up to 10h per day but getting paid for only $7/hour;
Honestly i wouldn't do it, if not for my friends companion.
The only good thing is time really passes so fast that you didn't even notice.
But oh wellz, it's a good opportunity to train myself too HAHAH.
I guess my most lepak job for this holiday is the acting job ($25/hour)
Real easy $$$ though it gets boring at times.
In short, i'm fully packed almost everyday so i feel sorry for my family the most.
It's like so ironic when holiday is the best time for people to lepak at home.
Well for me, I'm hardly at home unless it's sleeping time LOL.
It's understandable too since my parents didn't give me any allowance throughout this holiday;
Thus, I've to fend for myself by finding my own $$$ source, right?
Thankful that i still have my 1 day break which is SUNDAY-unchangeable family day (:
If not, how am i going to survive in this tough working lifestyle? hahaha
Without my friends, i'm pretty sure i couldn't survive this boring ordeal.
So of course, crediting them is a must ^^
All the photos are taken from Eugene's new Iphone6 ;
Take a closer look and judge how good the quality is!
If I've a chance to choose between Samsung and Apple again,
I would certainly ,definitely, absolutely choose
That awkward moment when you couldn't hide your double chin.
Kudos to my 2 pretty ladies ^-^
EUGENE YONG, THANKS for being such an awesome BEST friend ^^
I'm so happy/lucky to have you as my one and only guy best friend.
You're the first guy whom i really trust and cheers to many years of our friendship okie!
PS: Stay tuned to my #4 post because it will be a special one :)
Posted by Sierra.L at 11:05 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Today is the RESULT day for NYP students.
Honestly, i'm real satisfied with my results.
Ain't awesome grades but it's considered adequate (to me).
Life is full of little ironies, don't you think so?
Most of the time,
When you expect smth to happen, it usually ends up in the opposite way.
i was over-confident for my previous sem; thinking that
"Since I've A for efforts, i would most likely get As"
I was terribly wrong.
Efforts build up false hopes while results destroyed everything
I've no one to blame except myself.
Too smart for my own good?
Therefore, i didn't want to have any aims for this sem.
And, i realised i did better without stress.
Moreover, results are really unpredictable.
It's like you might do well this time despite putting little efforts.
However, for next sem; even slogging your guts out wouldn't give you an A.
So lesson learnt : Don't expect anything then you will be fine :)
So lesson learnt : Don't expect anything then you will be fine :)
Back to usual updates,For these 2 weeks, i will be working like a robot.
Because I've to fulfill my holiday promise- Earn at least $1k
I just cannot take it when i see my bank bal decreasing each day.
Was dismayed to realise that i actually spent $1k from Aug till now.
And look, i still have 1 more month of holiday.
Before i really start crying, I need to buck up and do something.
Which is to control my spending and WORK more, yes that's the way.
Besides, I've to put $100 aside for my new hair makeover.
Time for a new change, shall we? (:
Any recommendations for my new hairstyle?
Please do not recommend bald, i will kill you.
Came up with a blog checklist of the events that i'm going to update:
1. Wedding dinz
2. Colour Run
3. Bird park
4. 19th bdae
As you can see, all of them are overdue events.
But late is better than nothing yo, HAHAH
Will try to cover 2 events today, leaving the remaining 2s for another day.
So remember to stay tuned, especially the 4th post ;)
#1- Wedding Dinz
As evident from the pic, I went to my cousin's wedding dinz last Friday.
So happy and proud of her as she is the first one to get married in our "generation"
Have a blissful marriage (:
Honestly, this is the BEST wedding dinner.
Though it's carried out traditionally, something is different.
Instead of playing the mainstream wedding videos of how the couple met and all,
This lovely pair specially created a hilarious video of them;
Making the whole crowd roared into laughter (:
It's a pity that i didn't video it down; if not i would've shared it to you. :/
Moreover, the present they gave isn't common stuffs like Keychains, Bottle openers etc..
In fact, it turned out to be 4D !!!
To be honest, i really find it super smart and creative.
I mean it's like if the present is mainstream, some people might not take it.
On the other hand, 4D is D.I.F.F.R.E.N.T.
Whether you are into gambling or not, you will definitely take it.
Because there might be a slight chance to become a millionaire overnight?
So readers, i give you the permission to copy their ideas in the future HAHAH.
So this is my #OOTD for the wedding dinz.
My lovely parents ^^
With the beautiful bride ((:
With my dearest sisters =]
#2- Colour Run
Hi, this is the colourful me, portraying my extremely white teeth
Right from the start,
Had this on/off feeling whether i should go for this event or not.
Firstly is because the tickets ain't cheap - $55 to run 5km.
It's like totally wtf, i rather go to the park to run on my own.
Secondly, I'm totally not a fan of running.
In fact, i hate running the most.
Lastly , getting doused in different colours from head to toe.
What, you paid to become a colourful peacock?!?!? (just for laugh)
Despite ranting all the reasons why i shouldn't go, i went anyway.
But one time is good enough.
If you ask me whether i did regret going, i would say yes.
What i hate the most is ,
When the colour paints went into your eyes and you can barely open them.
Feeling so uneasy and you can't do anything about it.
So lesson learnt: Bring your own SUNGLASSES to protect your eyes please..
Was told to wear unwanted footwear as the colours are difficult to wash.
The smart me wore something that caused both of my feet with blisters, OH GOSH.
So the sad story is I ended up walking throughout this 5km.
Best irony ever~
Sorry that my comments were all negative for this event,
But, i'm just being honest of how i felt.
Nevertheless, I've to thank my fellow friends for making it a better one!
`1st KM; BLUE ~
`3rd KM- ORANGE
BTW, `2nd KM- GREEN (sorry, no photos!)
I was the ORANGE-ST out of all cuz everyone thought that i was too clean
and transformed me into an ORANGE. :/
`4th KM - RED
So before we head to the last km- PURPLE ,
there's a need to have a mini cam-whoring session
(especially when the beach scenery is just too tempting for us to leave)
Get a room
With Vanna ^^
Hahah successfully photo-bombed!
FYI: I know it's bit too late but it's best not to view my pics during midnight.
I'm afraid that you can't sleep after seeing them HAHAHA.
Eligible enough to film a horror movie thanks to our "thick and horrifying" make-up.
That's all folks!
Posted by Sierra.L at 11:14 AM