Tears of sadness

“there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.” - Nicole Krauss

And i belong to the second type. 

I may appear to be cheerful but nobody knows the reason behind every smile.

Fake or Real; neither of it matters.

Because i will never ever show my weak side.

Can't remember when was the last time i ever felt so sad.

But i'm pretty sure that Yesterday was a disaster for me.

Why?

It was my result day and to my dismay;

I'd never felt so depressed in my whole life.

It's not the truth that killed me. Expectations did.

I told people that "I really want to get into Director's list so badly this time round"

In all honesty, deep inside my heart- i expected myself to get into Director's.

When reality hits me like a bullet train, i was at rock bottom. 

It happened too sudden and i was totally taken aback. 

Who am i to blame? Myself.

For being too over-confident that what i did, was enough.

For over-estimating myself that i will do better

For being too complacent when i thought i'm humble enough.

Laugh at me.

Cause i feel like i'm a total joke.

Do you know the highest level of sadness?

It's not about the amount of tears you've wasted from crying.

There comes a point when you feel that even crying doesn't help.

Nothing you do could overcome the sadness so you just stoned there.

With numbness throughout my body, choked with nothing but tears. 

Whatever the case, there's nothing i could change. 

My result is still the same, disappointing ever. 

So the only comfort is to be accustomed to the fact that -

Sometimes, giving your best doesn't mean that you will get your desired result.

Hence, the moral of the story is don't expect anything. 

Don't forget -The higher you expect, the greater you fall.