How strong is your will?

Hello there, i'm back to blog again.
This time is not about life but MY LIFE.
So those that are not interested, click X button.
Cause this post is plain boring...
Before i start my whiny story, just a little update of my work.
Currently, i went back to the office work i worked before.
This time, i'm working as Accountant instead of Telemarketer.
Really thankful that i'm able to switch jobs *twist
But one thing bad about this job is it's ending next fri, wts.
So i'm jobless after 1st March, oh noooo...
I'm really interested in finding retail jobs, ANYONE have intro?!?!
Please tell me if you have, thanks xoxo.


Basically, i'm feeling very very very lonely.
Frankly speaking, there's emptiness in my heart.
Last time, i yearned to be alone, having my own free time.
Now, i no longer do.
In fact, i want to eradicate any chance from being lonely.
This is also a remedy for me to overcome my current problem.
Yea, so i stopped going to places that made me moody.

The only way to fill back the emptiness is :
TO HAVE A GOAL & ACHIEVE it.
So i came up with 3 plans

1. Earn as much as money as i can
2. Pass the GOLD award swimming test
3. Sign up for English enrichment course

#1 - Achieve it by saving $2k in bank after this holiday

#2 (shall further elaborate )

Stopped swimming since i was primary 4 ...

Though i got silver, i stopped for 7 long years.

How am i going to get Gold with this kind of standard??

After reading the criteria for Gold test , i literally gave up.

Cause i don't understand a single shit of what it is.

Sigh but i really want to try (at least better than nothing)

Wonder whether i still have the chance or not x.x

#3 ( PLEASE DON'T LAUGH leh)

Many people told me that it's a waste of time/money/useless to go for it.

Especially when i am actually educated.

But i'm really serious of wanting to improve my English.

I want to speak confidently in English.

I want to blog freely without making any grammar mistakes.

Frankly speaking, i really envy those people who have a good command in English.

It's like so damn charming and admiring please.

I guess having 1/3 of their standard is already good enough.

Tried reading books/newspapers/ watching news/english movies and i tell you

NONE OF THESE WORK.

Cause i really suck @ reading and i tend to read subtitles while watching.

Not only that, i tried to speak English everyday.

At first, i thought i was getting better in speaking .

After that, i was back to square one.

Holy shit, i still stutter when i speak English.

I am really that lousy okay.

BUT

I'm not going to let myself continuing to be like this.

I need to do something which the only way i can think of is

THIS..

"My goals might be unrealistic, might be just dreams, might be just words that don't mean a shit but i feel that as long as i persevere  till the end, my unrealistic dreams will not be just words but achievable goals"